Saturday, October 16, 2004

Ha, after five long years I just discovered that my old website at geocities still exists.

Niways, here is an oldie from yesteryear . . .

Halika na, pumikit limutin ang problema. Hihintayin ang umaga.

Wish it was that damned easy. Better days are definitely ahead you just have to survive the night. Its the problem aint it, if you still have the guts and the willpower to carry on. My nights have steadily become a nightmare, a slow death of sorts. Wish that I could just lie down, close my eyes, and wake up to a new dawn. Unfortunately, I just cant do that for I’m not living in some fairy land. Reality bites, as they say, and it bites damnably hard.

Demons of my own making abound and have slowly crept into my psyche. Carry a honkingly big stick and beat the hell out of these demons seems the best course of action, but in a sense i dont want to. Somehow I thrive on the adrenaline rush, that all out emotional lashing out. Raw, intense emotions. Love, hate, despair, anger. I live for those. Somehow i might bitch about my life, but in the end this is what I love the most. An unbalanced existence, verging on insanity and self-destruction. A life so fuckingly unpredictable that every day is a gamble. If u see me now, my scars are increasing rapidly. Aye, symbols of stupidity and at the same time badges of honor for a life I have chosen to live.

Strength, passion, perseverance. What counts the most. Passion I definitely have, the other two would need some work. Passion wold someday be the death of me, but its a long ways from now. Without passion what is man? Perhaps this is my way of expressing a cry for help, perhaps not. The life i have right now, leaves me quite unbalanced most of the time. I still havnt found what im looking for. Bike for life has been moved to the 21st of May but my training continues on. I need this project so much to gain a foothold back to sense and sensibility, least i totally implode.

Hope might be fleeting for some of us, but ever there is something for us to hold on to. Children with cancer are out there dying, slowly losing the lifeblood of hope. Bike for Life. . Let us give hope to those who have so little of. Let us give life to those who have given up. Perhaps in the end, we will be saving ourselves.

Gumising na. Araw ng pag-asa'y narito na. Dumating din, haharapin natin. . .

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